Where Can I Find Enough

Have you ever heard the phrase, “you are enough”?  Or as the yoga app I like to use says, “everything you need is right here inside you.”  On the surface I love the intention behind these mantras.  In a world that squeezes us from all sides to be all things, we will fall short.  It is not a matter of if, but when.  

I used to think I could do multiple things well, or at least to the level of excellence I’d like to.  However, as I sit here writing this on the third snow day of the week preceded by a month that my kids did not have a single week that was consistent with five full days of school, a pile of emails I have yet read, work items piled up, I am reminded once again that I am in fact not enough.  I try to meticulously plan each day to maximize my time between being present and engaged with my kids and my husband, invested deeply in my work, and taking care of myself by connecting with my mind, body, and spirit.  Spoiler: I’ve yet to have a week that gets executed how I’d like it to.  Occasionally I get a day or a portion of the day that goes how I planned, but most of the time it simply doesn’t.  

I don’t have the energy or ability to be all things to all people, and no matter how hard I try, I am simply not enough.  I’m not trying to be self-deprecating, I am simply pointing out that I am looking at the wrong source when I try to believe that everything I need is within myself.  

There is such good news though: God is more than enough.  I don’t feel it every moment that I’m in an overwhelmed panic.  I don’t realize it on the days that somehow get spun out of control.  However, when I take the time to pause and turn my gaze toward Him, it is an act of surrender and seeking peace that does bear fruit.  Here is an example of how I practiced this today:

  • Instead of immediately running to a friend or my spouse with things, I turned to God.  
  • I walked around the block as I prayed over these things.  
  • I took time to pause and write down how I was feeling, what I was thinking, and how I noticed my experience of it.

Naming things and going to God with them is really the only way I find peace in the chaos.  It doesn’t bring me perfect days.  It brings into a deeper kind of internal balance with myself, which overflows to my family, my work, and other pieces of my life. 

It’s ok to not be enough.  We were never made to be.  God’s grace can fill the cracks and cover the chasm and gaping holes where we cannot.  I pray for you that you feel the peace of that covering grace today. 

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